Sunday, August 06, 2006

Another stupid first...

Postponed from an earlier date (I pulled this from 8-06-06, but after some thought decided I don't have that if my impossible personal standards/self-editing aren't curbed now - they will rule my life forever (as opposed to just having ruled it for the last 44 years and 4 months)...so, without further ado...

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When one goes through major life changes (or at least when this one does) - right up there with the suckier things is the string of firsts - first major holiday in a different house/city/relationship, first birthday is said new circumstances, first Summer Solstice, first cool restaurant ...you name it, really

There are some great classic firsts: kisses, new cars, own homes - the abovementioned, not so much. Though I suppose successfully (whatever that means) getting past any mile marker makes the proverbial "one" a stronger person - more confident in themself knowing that they can make their own happiness/greatness/success - it's also a little sad, like your first birthday without a party thrown by your Mom...you're cool now, but secretly you want to pull taffy and sleep in the tent.

I've been through an enormous number of firsts lately - big, giant ones and seemingly insignificant ones. While most of them have entailed at least a tiny measure of compromise of my Taurean iron-clad will - and some of them have required an arc welder - despite my frequent tears seeming evidence to the contrary, my ability to actually have self-generated firsts that didn't totally suck gives me at least intermittent satisfaction.

Today is the birthday of a good friend of mine - the first birthday in a long time we will not spend together - for which I won't be making a cake - upon which I won't eat ice cream out of the carton - during which I won't get to say Happy Birthday except over the phone...but in thinking about my first, I remembered that it wasn't just mine - and then I felt a little guilty. I'm just one person - a friend, and she's a daughter, a grand-daughter, a sister - so it's likely a bunch of other people's first too - and so, alone but not, I sing into the phone - one part of the two-part harmony at the end...which is a little sad...but okay, I guess. Happy Birthday Bun.

Posted by Mel at 10:42 AM  ·  0 Comments